2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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