i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
