Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
