Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
