My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
