so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
