my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
