I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
