My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
