i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Swine flu is the new snow day.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
