hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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