K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
