Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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