Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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