In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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