We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
