Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Success! We fucked roommates!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
