he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
