why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
