I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
