um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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