I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
