you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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