you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Randomize
