White coat. Heels.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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