All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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