Define "chronic" masturbator.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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