if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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