Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
