Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
