I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Boobs speak an international language.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
