I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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