What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
