There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
look no pants
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
