He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
