im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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