the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
either way he was missing a nipple.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
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