how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
