Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
