My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
