he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
