you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
