his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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