Who wears a wallet chain?!
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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