I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
