Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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