It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
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