Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
