He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
