woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
