I want to make a zoo with you.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
