i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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