He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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