I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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