Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
