Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
