im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
