You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
