New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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