What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
