you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
