as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I wish life had little blips of pornography
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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